Tuesday, November 6, 2012

30 pounds of specialness

Why is today...November 6th, 2012 special to me? Not because today is the day that we find out who the President for the next 4 years is. It is because since April...to this date...I have lost 30 pounds. I'm giving myself a big fat smiley face sticker for this one. Sure...every pound before this milestone has been special to me. I have fought for every single one. Which is why 30 of them collectively is such a big deal. So here is a letter to those 30 pounds.

Dear 30 Pounds of selfish/self inflicted/emotion filled fat,

You have been vacated from this premisis. I do NOT want you anymore. I have put up with you for 2 years too long and am no longer willing to be your host. I have been blind, naive, ignorant, and at times even passive with your residing here. But like any old houseguest that has outworn their welcome, you just needed to leave. Because of you, I was becoming a bitter, unfriendly, and just generally unhappy person to be around. I didn't want to be around me...so why would anyone else? You caused health problems, cost us money for hospital stays and medicine, and cost me time off work. You caused many fights in my marriage, limited the activities that I felt comfortable doing, and instead of playing outside with my daughter, I chose to sit inside on the couch with you. How is that fair? Why did you get to dictate my life, when you were just a temporary resident? Well I can assure you, you no longer have that control over me.

You may have noticed that I have been spending less time on the couch with you. I have been taking less frequent sugar and salt filled trips to the fridge and pantry with you. I have traded off 6 of my Diet Cokes and replaced them with 1 gallon of water daily...sorry about that. Wait...no I'm not. Instead of all of the fried foods, double helpings, and endless sugar filled snacks, I have been using protein, vitamin rich veggies, water, and limited portions of chocolate and cheat foods to get rid of you. Slowly but surely it has worked. I have been noticing your presence less and less over the past few months.

I KNOW that you have not been a fan of the Wellness Center or Jillian, or even running outside. I can hear you whining and screaming and trying to cause pain to make me stop. Sorry...wasn't giving that up, just to help your stay longer. I didn't like it to start out with either...but if it got me closer to getting rid of you...I was all for it. I have even started to crave it. Suck to be you, huh? You almost got me a few times though, but then I would suddenly remember how annoying you can be and got my butt off the couch and got moving.

I'm starting to think that you were unpleasant to others too, because now people are starting to notice me more. Before, I was getting the ugly stares and sometimes just plain being ignored. Now people smile a lot more. They even compliment me...something that I never got when you were around. So if other people notice that you were unpleasant to me, that's saying something, huh?!

So in closing, this is me, giving you what will be your only warning. Leave and do not come back. I'm serious. If I have to pull the "My husband is a Cop and you will be arrested if you set foot on this property again" card, I will do it. If I have to post signs I will. I don't care. For me this is a matter of life and death, so if I have to take it to the fullest extent, I will. I reside here, not you. You started this journey with me...but you will not end it with me.

I would say it's been nice knowing you,(this is my "mess with me and I'm not going to be nice anymore" side) but it has not. I don't like you. I hope I have made that clear. I will NOT miss you. I will soon be vacating your other 30 pounds of friend also. Maybe soon, they can keep you company where you end up. Peace out.

Joelle...the 30 pound less version :)

There it is...my ungrateful goodbye to a part of me that I never want to see anymore. I am vowing to stay active, eat decent, and continue to lose the pounds that have so painfully crept up on me. I can not stress how much fun this has not been. It has been nothing but hard work, sweat, tears, feeling hungry, and getting back on the saddle after a few bad days. It's about not giving up, it's about finding that drive somewhere deep inside of you that knows you can do this. You have to work through all of the doubt, physical pain, emotional pain, excuses, and the plain comfort of life that you were used to, for it to work.You can't expect to stay the same person when you decide to do this. I am not the same person that occupied this body 7-8 months ago. I am a happier, healthier version. I am not yet the person that I want to be, physically or emotionally, but it is coming. I know that. I am okay with that. I just hope everyone that knows and cares about me, knows that too. I have had nothing but support from my parents, family members, friends, and my husband. And even more...total strangers, that have no agenda with supporting me, other than just sheer niceness.

If you are struggling to want to start your own journey, but don't know how, First and foremost you need a support base. Find someone. Anyone that will tell you what you need to hear. Not what you want to hear. But can tell you in a way that does not put you down, or further the issues at hand. Secondly...you have to find it within yourself. If you don't want to do this...you won't. It's that simple. That is the difference between the me now and the me for the past few years. I haven't wanted it bad enough. When you finally feel that, it will click.

And I leave you with the 30 lb progression(sorry about the scratches in the mirror...but you still get the point of it!)

 5 lbs lost

15lbs lost

22 lbs lost

 30 lbs lost

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  1. That's awesome, Joelle! You look great! -- Stacy

  2. I'll continue to say this.... I AM SO VERY VERY VERY PROUD of you, my dear sweet BEAUTIFUL daughter!!!!!