Thursday, June 14, 2012

Accountability is my biggest obstacle

So I'm giving this a try in hopes to further motivate myself in my goal for a happier, healthier life. I need to be held accountable to continue things that I have started, or I will talk myself out of them rather easily. So...hold me accountable!!

A little from the past before the now...I have struggled with weight since that awkward age of 12. Not skinny enough, always feeling on the bigger end of the size scale. There were so many different points of weight loss and weight gain, that it's hard to look back at pictures and remember which point that was. I know that my last cycle of weight loss was my summer right before college. I wanted to go into it looking good, I was single and even impress myself still when I look at pictures. I was able to maintain that until the next summer when I nabbed myself a guy(who is now my husband). I got comfortable, didn't feel the need to impress anyone, and spent more time in front of the tv than the eliptical at the Rec. So about 50 lbs later I woke up and looked at the mirror. I felt bad, but never really bad enough to stop. So it just continued.

Fast forward 3 yrs to the summer of 2010 where I find out I'm pregnant. I was in no shape whatsoever to be healthy enough to have an uneventful pregnancy. I knew in the back of my mind..."okay, this is going to be one hell of a double edged sword. it will be the most magical, but yet could potentially be the scariest event of your life" I pushed that thought to the back of my mind for 4 more months and would occasinally go on a walk here and there to ease that creeping negativity for a week or so. Then bam "Joelle, your blood pressure is a little high". I would continue to hear this for 2 more months. Until there were headaches, chest pains, and diabetes added to the table. Multiple rounds of shots of insulin and blood thinners took over my days, as well as checking sugars, and walking so many circles around the house to bring my numbers down. And then came the hospital stays and steroid shots. Finally at 36 weeks, 1 wk before my scheduled induction and while I was still on blood thinners, I went into labor on my own. After 24 hours of labor without anything other than Nubain(which did nothing for me), through C-Section my little miracle was born, completely unscathed. My diabetes was gone within a matter of hours, and my blood pressure leveled out. Phew! I was soo ready to get back at exercising and losing this whole other me that I had gained in so many years.

I did really well for a few months, and then fell away from it again. Tried Shakes, tried walking, etc. Nothing kept me interested and accountable. So I gave up. And then again, my blood pressure started creeping up. So now it was time for full blown BP Meds. Ugh. After several switches, and one scary hosptial stay, my mom and I decided we were going to train for a 5k. I've had enough. I've had enough headaches, I've had enough days of not being able to wear those pants or that shirt. I've had enough of the breathless feeling I get from walking up a flight of stairs. I mean really? When did this happen? I have made it my mission to keep at this, to get healthy for not only myself, but for my daughter. This is no longer about me. I am responsible for another human being. How is eating myself into the ground being responsible? If we ever decide to have another will NOT be on the same terms of the last one. I WILL be healthy the next time. I will NOT ever make myself go through checking sugars, insulin shots, and headaches again. If I can voluntarily keep Diabetes away, I will do it with all of my heart. And lastly, I will NOT willingly succomb to the Heart and Blood Pressure issues that plague my family blood lines. I don't want my daughter to have to deal with this someday, so why let myself? Why not be the example?

We have done really well at keeping each other accountable, at going even though one of us didn't feel like it. When I complain and say, I can't make it this last 200 yards, mom is always right there saying "Uh yes you can. just tell yourself you can" After a few bumps and a bout of Plantar's Fasciitis, we are on Week 5. That's 5 weeks worth of a running program than I had ever thought possible 2 months ago!

So tonight, we run Wk 5, night 2 of the Couch to 5K. One more night closer to my goal. Pin It

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