"Cherish your yesterdays, and dream your tomorrows, but most importantly, don't forget to live your todays."
Last night after our 2 year anniversary dinner and as Shelby was rocking our sassy little girl to sleep, we watched TV. Just a normal night at home that Shelby didn't have to work. The show was a new favorite of mine...NY Med. Usually ends up causing a few tears and reasons to give my baby an extra hug and kiss before bedtime. Last nights was a little different. It struck a major personal chord for me. A woman had come into the ER complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath. Now I'm sure doctors and nurses hear these complaints and they turn out to be something minor 90% of the time. As she was moaning in pain and the nurses were trying to decide if it was legit or not, she coded. No pulse, nothing. They called time of death. The culprit? A Pulmonary Embolism. That floored me. She was just laying there screaming out that she was hurting. She was living and breathing 2 seconds before that. How is she now gone? Within a matter of seconds. I knew that they are extremely dangerous, and have a very high chance of turning fatal. But man...I almost couldn't say a word. I just sort of sat there in a blank stare, thinking..."What if that was me...what if that had happened when I was pregnant with Lenae? What if they had not caught it quick enough, and it had become larger and detached?" Then I had to stop myself before I went into a full blown panic attack.
I reminded myself, "They did catch it. It did not happen to you, you are living and breathing right now. You have a beautiful, ornery child that came from that nightmare of a pregnancy completely unscathed. Quit with the "What if's" and worry about the "What nows". "What I am doing now is hopefully going to lessen the possible health issues that could arise in a future(very distant) pregnancy. I am taking every step I can to ensure that I will live a long life(God-willing) for my family. While I'm not entirely sure if the PE was caused because of my weight(may have been from spraining an ankle, developing a clot in my leg, and then moving up) I am treating it as if it was...as just one more source of motivation. All of it served as another serious wake up call to cherish the time I have right now. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I could be doing all of this work to ensure a healthy future for myself, without the assurance that I will in fact have that future.(I'm still not going to stop working for it though!) So today I have to love who I have in my life...and make sure they darn well know it. Try to stop worrying about the tomorrows or the next weeks..because as my husband ALWAYS says..."I could walk out this door and get hit by a bus tomorrow." Would you be happy with your yesterday or today if you were to meet that bus tomorrow??
I have also successfully(okay it's only been 5 days...but still) given up my love of Diet Coke/Pepsi. I have not had one since last Thursday. Honestly...it has not been much of a struggle. I have had 1 or 2 cravings for it, but I quickly got get a glass of water, or tea...and forget about it. I feel a lot better and less poisoned(probably more of a mind thing) than I have in a long time. I love it!! Now whenever I want one I will just tell myself...you have 5 days behind you...do you really want to start all over again???? Nope. Sure don't.
On the weight front...as of this morning, my scale read that I am now down 17 lbs :). I know this is a good accomplishment...but I am holding out until that 20 lbs to a heel kick and fist pump! 4 inches off my waist feels pretty good too.
Okay...gotta go...the kids are waking up...and we have some playing to do!